Some days I feel like time moves in a blur, rushing weeks ahead without warning. Other days, without you, I feel completely frozen in time. But whenever I look back at the four years and five months we spent together, they feel like they flew by in just a few beautiful seconds. Every single day that I got to see you, hear your voice, and hold your hand was the greatest gift of my life.

I still remember the first times our paths crossed in college. Back then, I didn't know that a single person could quietly walk into my life and completely rewrite what home felt like.

I still remember our very first date at Forum Mall. We went to watch Dune, and we had lunch together at McDonald’s. To be honest, I barely watched the movie—my eyes were glued to you the entire time. We held hands, looked at each other, and talked about the previous night—the freshers night. I walked out of that mall that evening knowing I was in serious trouble, because I was already falling hopelessly in love with you.

I still remember the first time I held your warm, soft hands. My heart raced like it had never raced before. We used to stay up until 3 AM, talking about anything and everything under the sun as we were getting to know each other. Those late nights were pure magic, and I could only experience that magic because of you, Babu. Those calls where neither of us wanted to be the first to hang up—even when we ran out of words, just hearing you breathe on the other end was enough to make the heaviest day feel light.

And I can never forget how you used to burst out laughing whenever my dad would scold me in Kannada by practically singing outside my door because I had locked it just so I could talk to you in peace. Those little moments became my favorite memories in the world. Sneaking glances across corridors, and finding reasons to take the longest possible route just to spend five more minutes beside you.

Shreya, do you remember the first time you asked me if what I had for you was love or just infatuation? I told you without a second of hesitation that I loved you. I love you so deeply and completely that I couldn't even imagine thinking about anyone else. You were my home, my safe space, my sunshine, and the person who made my world feel secure.

I miss so many of the little, sacred things we did together that nobody else would ever understand. I miss our code-worded "I love you"s when we couldn't say it out loud around others. I miss that quiet 15 minutes we used to steal right after college was over, sitting together in that golden hour before my bus had to leave—how we tried to stretch every single second just to stay near you. I miss running to get snacks from the canteen with you, sharing bites between laughs. I miss the talks we had during the walk to your hostel, never wanting that walk to end. And that sweet ring click we did right before dropping you at the hostel gate... my heart still remembers the exact sound and feeling of that touch.

We were so different, yet so in tune. You loved sitcoms; I loved sci-fi. You watched The Big Bang Theory, Friends, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and The Vampire Diaries, while I watched Teen Wolf, Dark, and Stranger Things. Yet, we always found our rhythm in between. Like watching romance together, meeting halfway without even trying. We adopted each other's little habits without even noticing.

I genuinely don't know what kind of magic you carry around with you, Babula. Back then, on the most boring, mundane college days when nothing was going right, just seeing your name pop up on my phone would instantly fix everything—suddenly life wasn't bad at all. I loved how we could go from a serious conversation to talking about the most random nonsense within two seconds, talking for hours without ever running out of things to say. You are adorable, sometimes annoying, and just so, so pretty. I really loved how easily we could talk about anything in the world.

Before I met you, I felt like a side character in my own life—someone nobody really noticed or cared about, someone who had almost given up on people. But then came my Ray of Sunshine. My Lumi. You made me realize that I mattered, that I could be loved, and that I was capable of loving someone with my whole soul just for who they are. You became the best thing that has happened to me in the last 24 years of my existence.

I still hold on to every single detail of our Goa trip. Holding hands on the bus, excited for our first big adventure together. Walking along the beachside holding hands, the sea breeze in your hair, trying wine together, and going swimming. We fell in love with each other for the person we were, without expecting or anticipating that this would happen—it was innocent, pure, and true.

And all the times we spent exploring Mangalore together—our trips to Pilikula Zoo, the science centre, the aquarium, and boating along the lake. Every single moment with you felt special simply because it was with you.

The Mangalore Food Trail

Every time I think of Mangalore, I think of your eyes lighting up whenever good food was in front of you. I remember every single spot, not just because the food was delicious, but because I saw you genuinely enjoy every single bite:

That crispy broasted chicken at Managudda Shawarma, the Chinese bhel shared by the swimming pool, the buttery pudi masala dose and steaming pulav from Pai Tiffin’s, the dosa at Kadri Café, our regular ritual at Naturals Ice Cream, strawberry sundaes at McDonald's, peri-peri twister and hot fries at City Centre, and the chicken dosa at the food court with the way you rolled parathas into that perfect 'everything-in-one' bite.

Peri-peri momos at Wok & Fork, Andhra special biryani, quick pani puri and that Madagascar vanilla ice cream you adored at Forum Mall, pink sauce pasta and loaded nachos at Shiv Sagar, sweet pastries from Ribbons & Balloons smuggled quietly into college, coin parotta, hot chole bhature, and rich rabdi-jalebi at Ideal Café and Central Market... and of course, your all-time absolute favorite: warm, melting choco-lava cake paired with cool vanilla ice cream.

I don’t remember those places just because the food was good. I remember them because I loved seeing you happy. There’s something about your presence that makes any normal moment feel ten times better simply because you're there. I loved making that falooda with you at home, making you crispy honey chilli potatoes, and watching you smile with your mouth full. My dream is still to cook for you every single day—to bring you breakfast in bed on lazy mornings, watch cooking shows together on the couch, and make up silly recipes just to see that joyful smile on your face.

I still take my German lessons on Duolingo every day without breaking the streak because it was something connected to you. Every little thing I did was just to get closer to your world and understand you better.

I know how extraordinarily strong you are, Babu. You are the strongest woman I know. You never let the world see what you are going through. I still remember when you sat through AKK sir’s class with a burning fever, barely able to sit up, yet you persevered without complaining. You carry the weight of so much for your family, your parents, and everyone around you, quietly and gracefully.

Which is why it tears me apart inside to know that when you needed me the most, I failed to be your safe harbor. I promised I would stand by you through every storm, but instead, I let my own anxiety and stress consume me.

I am so deeply sorry I did not give you enough time, Shreya. I only wanted to reach a place where I could afford everything you would ever want in life. I wanted to see that pure happiness on your face and that calm peace in your eyes. Towards the end, I was terrified—I felt stuck in my job, and the pay wasn't enough to build the life and the future I wanted for us. You were my one and only motivation to go through anything and push through every obstacle, just to see you smile and make you happy. But in my panic, I lost sight of what mattered most: simply being there beside you. I didn't give you the time, the listening ear, and the comfort you needed right then, and I made you feel alone when you were already dealing with so much at home.

When I agreed to part ways, it wasn't because I ever wanted to walk away—I hated even the thought of a life without you. I agreed because I saw how much pain my own shortcomings were causing you, and I couldn't bear adding any more suffering to your life while you were already carrying so much on your shoulders. I thought that if I stepped away, worked relentlessly on myself, and became a better man for you, maybe you would be proud of me and accept me again. But knowing I broke your heart and made you feel that way is the deepest regret of my life. I wish so badly that I had done something right then to stop you, hold you tight, and make you believe that I am still the exact same person—that I love you, and that I always will.

After you left, I started retracting from everyone. It felt like I had lost everything that ever mattered to me. You are the only thing on my mind, all the time, from the second I wake up to the moment I close my eyes. These past eight months without you have felt like sixty years of frozen silence. Like the quiet ache in The Night We Met and Choo Lo, every single day feels paused without your presence.

I still wear the rings you gave me every single day. I still carry the purse you gifted me, with that very first ₹200 note you placed inside. I still have the wrapper of the Snickers bar you gave me, both your yellow and pink handkerchiefs, and the tiny wooden spoons we used to share that choco-lava cake. And every single day on my way home, I still pause at the exact spots where I used to pull over just to talk to you on the phone, closing my eyes and remembering your voice.

I didn't want to just offer empty words. Over these past eight months, I have worked relentlessly on myself so that I could be a better man and a better partner for you. I go to the gym consistently, eat healthy, take proper care of myself, groom myself, and keep my hair short just the way you like it.

When I ran my 21km half marathon, with every single stride through the exhaustion, the only thought in my mind and heart was how blessed I would be to have you beside me. I will not just put 11 rounds—I will put 1,111 rounds around the temple if it is for you and your health. None of the festivals, achievements, or celebrations have felt the same since you left, Shreya. I don't know the last time I felt true happiness, because my happiness has only ever been you.

I still remember standing at Priya’s house and promising you that one day, we would buy our own home together. A space decorated with both our inputs and dreams, where we could look around and know we built something beautiful out of everything we went through together. I still want us to sleep with a warm bed lamp on at night, so that I can see the highlights on your face—because I want to see the most beautiful person in this world before I fall asleep, and right after I wake up.

I don't just want the grand, distant dreams with you, Shreya; I want the quiet, everyday life. I want to bring you warm tea when your throat hurts, gently massage your shoulders after a long tiring day, and run to the store at 11 PM whenever you crave chocolate or ice cream. I want those quiet Sunday afternoons where we make tea and play chess across from each other on the floor, teasing each other over every silly wrong move and laughing until our stomachs hurt.

I want us to adopt pets and take them for walks late at night when the streets are cold, quiet, and peaceful. I want to buy our dream car, and one day get a travelling van to go on endless road trips together—just the two of us, listening to music on winding roads, windows foggy with rain tapping against the glass. I want to cook for you every day, make your favorite dishes, make falooda and honey chilli potatoes together again, and make you that delicious pink sauce pasta you love.

I want us to travel the world, go deep-water scuba diving to explore the silent reefs under water, go skydiving in Switzerland, lie down together in a peaceful garden staring up at the starry night sky, and learn to play the guitar just so I can play the chords while you sing along. Maybe one day, we could even open a sweet little restaurant or café together.

I know I am expressing all of this too late, and I should have said something before. But honestly Shreya, I did not want you to worry about the things I had to do to get us there. I wish I could make you understand that everything I ever did was so that we could lead happy lives together. Please Babu, I really love you.

Every single night, my heart wishes for an eternity beside you, but honestly, I would trade everything in this world just for a single day to see your pretty face smile again. If it takes waiting an entire lifetime for you to feel safe in my arms, I will wait with all the patience in my soul. I leave our story in God's hands, trusting with complete faith that fate doesn't make mistakes when two hearts care this much.

I will love you like a hopeless romantic until my very last breath. You are the only person in this vast world I ever want to love, and the only person I will ever wait for. My heart made its choice the day you walked into my life, and it has never looked back for even a single second.

Babu, I am not asking you to forget the hurt, but I am asking with all my heart for one last chance to correct my mistakes and make things right between us. I want to be your best friend, your anchor, your boyfriend, your partner, your husband, and the person you can always rely on, no matter what. I will support you in everything you ever want to do, and I will never let you down again. That is my sacred promise to you.

I have not changed your special WhatsApp notification tone. My phone still waits for the chime that used to bring my whole world to life.

If after reading this, you feel that the love we built is worth another chance, please call me—wherever I am, I will pick up without waiting a single second. My ears are dying to hear your voice again. And if you decide you cannot, I will understand and respect you and your decision with all my heart. But know this: one lifetime with you was never going to be enough anyway. If not in this lifetime, I will pray so hard to meet you in our next lives—because I want to spend the next seven lifetimes with you.

I am madly, truly, undoubtably, hopelessly, and completely in love with you, Shreya.
Always and forever.